Embrace Your Shakti

As I reflect on my mental health journey, there is a specific conversation that comes to mind that I had with my therapist at the time. As a caring and nurturing person I struggled to hold accountable those who were harming me. I focus on their inner goodness, their struggles, and their weakness so the hurt could hurt less. I hid behind a shield of understanding that was exhausting. And more importantly the shield was ineffective, I was still being hurt but I just refused to experience it. 

I remember my therapist telling me about the concept of two truths coexisting. That I could hold space for understanding while creating space for my own well being. I could accept that someone is behaving in a toxic way due to their traumas, while creating boundaries that save me from emotional abuse. You can hold space for others to heal, and step away when you need space to heal and recharge. 

In practice this can look different from person to person and situation to situation. An example that comes to mind is one I have seen in many immigrant POC families and even within the families of my students. Many of the times these communities were focused on survival, so every decision was made with that in mind. So a child might have interest in the arts, but was pushed to pursue a more lucrative career so that they could provide for their family in future. This may have made the child feel that their parents’ love was conditional, and that their parents’ didn’t care about their happiness. Through the 2 truths model, we can actually take the time to acknowledge both perspectives without creating blame. This is vital as many children of immigrants feel guilt when re-evaluating the systems that may have intentionally hurt them. The reframe with the model could very well be “ my parents love me/ they want the best for me and my parents didn’t know how to support me/ they hurt me when they didn’t support my dreams. 

Although the reframe might be including the way one was hurt, it still highlights the parents in a positive light. Which for empathic people is a game changer. This mindset allows them to stay connected to their inherent sense of understanding, while giving them the tools to keep themselves safe. 

Another instance where I directly used this in my life was around a group of people who I thought would be my ride or die. But as we got older we grew in different directions. So much so that we started to outgrow each other. Whenever around that group of people I would force myself to act as someone I was no longer, to make them comfortable. And the two truths in this situation manifested differently, rather than focusing on them, I ended up focusing on me. The reframe I came up with here was “ As much I love and care about these people, they are no longer good for me. I now acknowledge the traumas holding them back, and accept that I can’t force them to be ready to heal from them. So I can still love and care about them but it will be from afar to protect my peace.” 

So next time you find yourself struggling to juggle perspective whether between you and someone else, or even between two conflicting parts within you try applying the concept of two truths. Your understanding shouldn’t cost you your peace. And your compassion doesn’t mean you can’t hold others accountable.

As always Embrace Your Shakti,

Max Chaudhary